A Gradual Difference

http://elissaar.wordpress.com/paintings-2/
©2008-2013 GruEliSm

We all make decisions that change the course of our lives unexpectedly. I’m not talking about decisions like, “If I had only waited one hour this morning to leave the house for work I never would have been in this car accident.” I’m talking about the little decisions you make every day like, “I’ll wait until next week to call the plumber about that tiny leak in my outdoor faucet.” or, “I’ve had this headache for one weekbut I’m sure it’s just allergies.” I’m talking about the every day decisions we make out of the comfort of our monotonous daily routines.

You never know in the moment of making the seemingly inconsequential decisions what’s going to be different or how it’s going to change you. Sometimes the difference brings you to a screeching halt, but most of the time the difference is gradualsneaking up on you when one morning you wake up out of a deep sleep that you didn’t know you were in. For some people the difference is so gradual that when they finally do wake up it’s too much for them to take in, breaking them temporarily. I say temporarily because for most of us the difference is adaptable. Uncomfortableat times terrifyingbut survivable, even though it may not seem like it when it’s new.

I have been through a lot in my life. Not so much so that it seems extraordinary to me, but enough so that when I go through the introductory phase of new friendships, people are impressed enough to express a sense of amazement that I stand before them able to form complete sentences. I admit that in the telling of some of my life’s stories sometimes I impress myself that I am not a complete wreck of a human being. I’ve been told many times, “You’re a rock. How did that not put you over the edge? I never would have been able to get through that.” People always underestimate themselves when it isn’t their story. People don’t realize that we have evolved to survive, it’s in our DNA.

Perhaps something that makes it look like surviving life’s drama is easy for me, is that I have always been able to sense when difference is brewing in my life. It’s one of my greatest survival skills. I just get the sense that, huh…this feeling is different or that person is acting differentsomething must be about to change. So, most of the time I’m ready for it and never really too surprised when change comes knocking at my door. That is why I’m not broken. That is why I’m a better person after the shit hits the fan. It’s not that it’s easy for me, it’s just that I have a deep sense that thisinsert tribulation hereis survivable. I understand that what seems like a monotonous decision today, could very well change everything tomorrow. Man, that reminds me. I’ve got to call the plumber about that leak first thing in the morning.

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